Capture Your Grief Day 9, Special Place

For Jer and me, the beach-in particular Long Beach-is a special place that reminds us of our boys. The top part of the triptych is where we had our reception after the boys’ memorial- by all of the palm trees to the right. We chose it because it was on that stretch of the beach path that Jer was thinking about how his life could potentially change when he got home from his run, knowing I was taking a pregnancy test while he was out. And, well, as you know, change doesn’t even begin to describe the turns our life has taken since that day.

The second picture is of lunch at a restaurant by the beach that Jer and I went to on the boys’ first birthday. We went there a couple of days after we came home from the hospital too, our first venture out of the house. The view is beautiful and so peaceful. I remember thinking on that first outing how odd it was that the sun was shining perfectly and everything looked especially gorgeous. I felt so strange sitting there, like some kind of imposter, everyone thinking I was enjoying that beautiful day right along with them.

The third picture is also from the boys’ first birthday. After lunch we went out on the pier and Jeremy read If by Rudyard Kipling, and we dropped 3 sunflowers into the ocean.