I look a lot for signs from our boys- evidence they’re checking in, wanting to be in our lives as much as we want to be in theirs. Proof that they’re okay. As I’ve said before seeing things in threes helps a little. I like seeing it anyhow. Feels like a connection.

I haven’t had many moments over the last months where I felt I was truly being visited by them or that they were intentionally breaking through the veil to say hello. The only one I feel sure about happened 3 months from the day they died, September 4th, 2011. Our friend Jon was visiting from North Carolina to be with us in our time of deep sadness. Such a kindness. We went to Laguna Beach to spend some time and take some gorgeous photos just before sunset. I was walking along the rocky beach and 3 seagulls landed right near me. As they walked around they kept their eyes on me, checking in with each other, then back to me. I felt so positive in that moment our boys were saying hello, checking in on their mama. I felt very loved that they cared enough to come to me and offer the comfort of their presence, if only for a few minutes. It was a perfect moment; brief like their lives. We seem to only get these little snippets, my boys and me. Some day though, we’ll have it all.

 

Capture Your Grief Day 13, Signs

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