Today is our boys’ birthday. One year. I feel like I should have something big and important and life-lessony to share but I’ve left my heart on the page many times before and today there are no words.
Today is for remembering the fellas. For reflecting and giving them all of my time and attention and awareness. For mourning what happened a year ago, and what should have been. Today is even for celebrating. It’s a complicated day that leaves this mama a little unsure of how to navigate it but I’m doing my best.
Every day of this last year they have been the current, the energy running through my mind and life. Every thought and word I speak has a little bit (or a lot depending on the day) of RDO in it. If you know me, you know my boys. They are my heart, my little loves, everything I want to be when I grow up.
A few months ago I was walking to work, listening to The Bird and The Bee and the song “Birthday” came on. I knew immediately I wanted to share it here on this day. It feels just right- a little bit of angst, a lot of love, a fun tune- a complicated, more-to-the-story birthday.
Happy Birthday Rudyard, Desmond, and Oscar. I hope you’re doing something really fun today. I wish we were spending it together. Your mama loves you and misses you so. xoxoxo
20 responses to “Birthday Boys”
Kelly H.
June 4th, 2012 at 10:04
Love to you and Jer! Perfect song. Hugs from afar.
Alicia (@mrshiggison)
June 4th, 2012 at 10:10
Those boys, they are some loved Momma.
Beautiful.
Audrey
June 4th, 2012 at 10:10
I love this song, it’s perfect. I think I’ll borrow it on the 8th, if you think the boys would be okay with it. xoxoxo
Jennifer
June 4th, 2012 at 10:13
You are my brave, beautiful friend. I love you so. I am thinking about you today and remembering your beautiful boys. Happy birthday Rudyard! Happy birthday Desmond! Happy birthday Oscar! You guys are missed so much, by so many. I hope you boys are smiling and laughing wherever you may be. <3<3<3
April
June 4th, 2012 at 10:19
Perfect song. Perfect tribute. I love you!
Sarah Crabtree
June 4th, 2012 at 10:30
They have not been forgotten by us. 🙂
Esther Hanes
June 4th, 2012 at 10:36
Happy Birthday Rudyard, Desmond, and Oscar!! We are thinking about you boys today!
Jon S.
June 4th, 2012 at 10:53
As a big fan of the Bear boys, the Bear parents, and the Bird and the Bee, I heartily approve this blog post. Happy birthday, little guys. Jer and Carey, we love you and think of you often.
Katie
June 4th, 2012 at 10:54
Very celebratory and love filled birthday to your beautiful boys.
Lauren Martin
June 4th, 2012 at 12:17
Love the song, love your boys, and we love YOU, Care. Wish we could be there to celebrate/grieve/nagivate through with you. You are truly amazing, mama.
lara
June 4th, 2012 at 12:20
Happy Birthday, sweet boys!! Love you!!
Judy D.
June 4th, 2012 at 15:18
Carie, my heart cries out for you; yet my heart sings that you are a terrific mother. I can’t help feeling that you are being prepared for a very important role in this life. I know God is using you and getting you ready for the next chapter. I love the raw emotion you are sharing; you are showing others how to grieve and love simultaneously. Please keep writing! Love you, Judy
Erin Burtoft
June 4th, 2012 at 16:09
Carey, thanks for posting even when you feel you have no words. You are what every mother should be and so few are–your little fellas biggest support, their loudest cheerleader, you are part of them and they are a part of you. I wish this birthday was not filled with pain and had no grief attached. It’s just not fair–it’s not the way things should be. I’m sorry Carey. I love you, Jer, and Rudyard, Desmond, and Oscar. Happy 1st birthday little guys.
Diana
June 4th, 2012 at 17:05
Love to you all
K.Lo
June 4th, 2012 at 17:12
lovely post, perfect song. Loving you and the boys on their birthday too!
sistainsane
June 4th, 2012 at 19:55
thinking of you 5.
Meredith P
June 4th, 2012 at 20:15
What a great song…perfect for the boy’s birthday! Sending love and hugs my dear friend!
Shelby Cherry
June 5th, 2012 at 15:57
Thinking of you, Jeremy, and sweet Rudyard, Desmond, and Oscar. Sending many hugs. ❤
Becky
June 5th, 2012 at 17:07
Happy Birthday, Rudyard, Desmond and Oscar from Nana.
Thank you, Carey, for giving all of us the opportunity to share this day with you, Jer and the boys. We miss them and love them and their parents very much.
Nana
Caitlin
June 8th, 2012 at 17:22
Beautiful post. I got goosebumps all over reading a special mother remembering her little boys. I was also pregnant with triplets at the same time of you. I too remember your boys, quite frequently really, even though I only read your blog. A year ago I was praying desperately for you all. When I remember your family, I’m always reminded to never ever take my children’s lives for granted.