This post comes with a heavy heart. On Friday one of the blogs I follow, Crossing the Double Pink Lines, written by a fellow expecting-triplets-mom (Chloe) announced that she lost her precious babies. She was just over 18 weeks along. It’s so horrible and hard and I just hate that it happened. I can’t stop thinking about her and her husband and the immense pain they are in and will be in for..well…for a very long time.

Since finding out we’re having triplets, Jeremy and I have started following others who are going through the same thing and chronicling it as we are for all to see on their blogs. It’s been so helpful and informative as most are slightly ahead of us timeline wise so we get a sneak peak as to what’s to come. And we feel like we “know” these people in a sense. We’re excited for them and the progress they’re making and it gives us hope that we’ll make it too. Reading what happened to Chloe and her babies was devastating. I just can’t imagine going through what she and her husband had to endure and doing it with such grace and vulnerability as she did. She honored her children in a very profound way.

Chloe isn’t the first person in my life who’s had to endure the tragedy of the loss of a child. Many of my close friends have, my sister, my clients. Each time it’s heartbreaking and I wish so badly they didn’t have to go through it. Now that I am pregnant and facing that fear head on my sympathy for those dear women (and the men in their lives) has increased 10 fold. My love and prayers for peace to those of you who are carrying the burden of loss. May it grow lighter with time and healing.

One thing that Chloe said in her post just made me weep because I could identify with it so much. She said, “I love them so much, and I hope they knew how sorry I am that I ever said I didn’t want them all. I want them all desperately.” I wept because I’ve said the same thing. I’ve complained and freaked out about there being 3. I’ve said “I only wanted one.” Of course now I desperately want all three. The thought that that wouldn’t happen is too much to bear. And I’m sorry too. I’m so sorry for ever taking this miracle and privilege for granted. I’ve spent much time over the past few days thinking about this lesson, determined to appreciate every step of this journey- however scary or gross or painful it turns out to be along the way. Because it’s also wonderful and I do feel so blessed and humbled to be given such an abundant gift.

Here’s an update of where I’m at right now- 15 weeks (taken last Thursday).

15 weeks- getting bigger and bigger and thankful that I am!