One year ago today I peed on a stick and then in a shocked state, typed this on my iPhone notepad:
At 6:58 AM on Fri Jan 28th I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I’m pregnant.
And took this photo (and many others):
After Jer got home from his morning run and we’d had a few minutes to take it all in, I insisted we take a picture of ourselves too. So, we lay in bed, giggling and shaking and trying to take a clear photo but that proved impossible. Here’s the best one:
I miss you boys. Every breath, every second, they’re yours. xoxoxo
January 28, 2012
modvegan
13 responses to “lullaby of the heart”
Esperanza
January 28th, 2012 at 07:25
(((hugs)))
Deborah Pucci
January 28th, 2012 at 07:27
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))
Katherine
January 28th, 2012 at 08:01
Beautiful and heartbreaking–the joy on your faces and the song. Sending you my love…
susan
January 28th, 2012 at 08:52
I think of you both and your three, sweet sons often. They will always be remembered. I’m still praying for your healing.
Courtney
January 28th, 2012 at 09:46
=*( Miss your sweet boys with you <3
Lara
January 28th, 2012 at 09:48
Beautiful song … I’ll be thinking of you and Jeremy today. HUG
Sarah Crabtree
January 28th, 2012 at 11:37
Thinking of you. Sending hugs.
Erin Burtoft
January 28th, 2012 at 15:05
Wow. What a year this has been for you, Jer, and your boys. Thank you for this post. I love you, miss the boys, and am praying for you today.
Steph
January 29th, 2012 at 08:05
It’s really incredible that two people could have such extreme (every extreme!) and life-changing experiences over the course of only a single year–even more incredible that anyone could come through it with as much grace and strength as you both have. Everyone who loves you still aches for you both but I am so proud of how you’ve found ways to channel your grief into creativity and new ways of love, and how you always honor Rudyard, Desmond, and Oscar in all you do. May the next 365 days bring you healing and peace.
Nicole
January 29th, 2012 at 17:43
Thank you for posting. You are in my prayers, always.
Jessica Renshaw
January 31st, 2012 at 08:06
Carey,
(With your permission) I emailed my brother Ted “Mornings with Gilbert.” He responded with his own poem, which I am posting here (without his permission but he won’t mind). Now you’ll have to post your poem so your readers will know what he is responding to!)
Cat haiku
Five in the morning
Wake covered with purrs and fur . . .
Monsters of gratitude.
Ted Reynolds
4:47 AM (3 hours ago)
Jessica Renshaw
January 31st, 2012 at 14:10
I sent your poem to my other brother, Tim, and he wrote back:
Sweet.
(Back to me: Both brothers are poets. Tim has had 7 books of poetry published. Ted writes science fiction (new story just accepted by Isaac Asimov’s Magazine). I put one too many “close parentheses” in my last comment so I will put one too few here. Excuse my anality.
Julia
February 11th, 2012 at 18:04
I don’t know if you’ve heard of this, but I thought you might like it. A mom lost her son Christian and now she writes the names of children who died in the sand at sunset. They’re beautiful photos. You can request them for your boys.
http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/